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Don't ask

by Richard Masters

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1.
Handbag 03:01
There was an open microphone I hung around just to have a go A string of singers with guitars Waiting patiently by the bar Singing our songs of misery Strumming with no rhythm In a minor key With morbid similarity Only one stuck in my memory He had a hand bag on his head He got my goat, I was amazed I went to see him whenever he played The Red Deer, Shakespeare, Devonshire Green The star of the local music scene He was on Look North on the BBC He was such a novelty But nobody was listening He could have been singing anything He had a handbag on his head The national papers took a shine He was on the brink of being signed But he was growing so full of doubt Nobody cares what I'm singing about So he threw away the bag 'This is me' for good or bad He fell into obscurity Like a drop of rain in a stormy sea He had a handbag on his head
2.
I’m not a real man I’m not handy with my hands I’m not traditional, or inexplicable I’m not a real man Pretty sure I’m not fictional I just don’t care what I am I’ve got names for all my feelings I like a fresco on my ceiling I want to be in your eye I’m not a real man but I get by I’m not a real man I don’t explain what you understand I’m not designing an evil, over-arching plan I’m not a real man Dodge heavy lifting when I can And I need a seat to take a stand I’m no stallion, I’m no thug Don’t want a fight, just want a hug I want to be in your eye I’m not a real man but I get by I won’t apologise I see a different light And if you make me crawl I will crawl upright No I’m not a real man Don’t need names for what I am Unless I have to fill in a form I don’t do football chants I stay inside in the warm I cry when I watch Up and Riverdance Yes I talk about my feelings When they haven’t got me kneeling I want to be in your eye I’m not a real man but I try…yes I try to get by
3.
Gyges 04:10
Gyges was invisible before he ever found the ring You could miss him without even trying Once upon a time he’d wished that he was ugly Cos being pretty, was pretty much the same Only it came with responsibility That’s not for me Says Gyges He never goes to office dos he never gets an invite It saves him from saying no, and being impolite People might start noticing he doesn’t want to know them They’d start getting funny and he couldn’t go through that again That’s not for me Says Gyges One day he found a golden ring in the nest of a magpie He thought of all the Space Marine figurines he could buy He tried the ring and got a shock when he looked in a mirror He wasn’t there, even when he got nearer and nearer That’s not for me Says Gyges And he dreams about the ring and all the things he could do Like dancing in a nightclubs, and using public loos He could rule a nation, slay his way to any throne Or he could just stay at home That’s more like me Says Gyges
4.
You're so handsome You're so tough Tie your face on Tight enough So no one can see Who you're hiding You're the alpha You're the King acting like you Know what you're doing and playing strange games With confiding You've been losing all the things That you've been dreaming of I know it's hard When you're scare of love You say, 'Don't believe This face of mine, When I go home Nothing shines' Then you make a joke To get your rhythm I've seen you bully Smaller men Try and make them Be your friends But power is never taken Only given You've been losing all the things That you've been dreaming of I know it's hard When you're scared of love
5.
In between 03:42
I’m not really here And I’m not really there yet I am like a smoker Who’s never had a cigarette Like a dog in a collar of shame Waiting for release Picking up the pieces falling in between I’m open and I’m honest I try to be a grown up They ask me how I feel I’m never going to own up Sometimes it makes me happy Sometimes it makes me scream Picking up the pieces falling in between I’m not la-di-dah But I want my denouement I’ll take your stick If it’s got a moon on All I ever wanted Was some magic beans Picking up the pieces falling in between I’m never in the future Never in the past I’m never in present It never lasts My hair is grey And my soul is green Picking up the pieces in between
6.
It's a two horse town But one has gone Nothing ever changes There's nothing going on All my life All these mysteries All the right doors All the wrong keys You said you could fall in love You said you could fall in love With anyone Looking back On all I've done I learned to breathe And see the sun All the things I never knew Circle like a galaxy Around you You said you could fall in love You said you could fall in love With anyone You never let me read your sign Or see your destiny I might have seen The best in me It's a two horse town In a sea of stars I'm walking in the light That's shining from the past I'm afraid And I am blessed Like a new-born In the wilderness You said you could fall in love You said you could fall in love With anyone
7.
Always falling in between Never knowing why Saying what she thought Was worse than telling lies And she did as she was told Never was enough For a model child On the edge of love Why does being an angel feel sinful? Waiting for the stars to rise So she could have the night And be anyone That her heart desired She was Madame Bovary Lady Aquitaine Pirate Captain Bonny On the Spanish Main Why does being an angel feel so sinful? Sometimes she could have the day She could play the spy Masquerading as Their model child And whenever she could play She was never lost She didn’t have to be Less than what she was Why does being an angel feel so sinful?
8.
Party stains 04:40
You got your party stains From sliding down the drain Running from another jealous wife Running from the past Over broken glass Holding on to your disguise What a thrill, what a spill, what a life Who needs tattoos? Who needs the pain? When you wear your party stains You go from bar to bar You don’t know where you are It doesn’t look like anywhere You flow from drink to drink From hand to mouth to sink If they fall in love, that’s their affair They don’t know where you go, they don’t care Who needs tattoos? Who needs the pain? Who needs the blues? When you wear your party stains You wander through the town The stars are pressing down You're shedding feathers every day You wonder how it all Ever got so small You’ve heard what everybody has to say You don’t know How to go Or how to stay Who needs tattoos? Who needs the pain? Who needs the blues Who needs a name? When you wear your party stains
9.
Troubles come sideways darling, all the time With all those faces, you could be simply everybody in the pantomime Troubles come sideways darling, from behind You’ve been working day and night While they’ve been boozing in the backroom of your mind You can double down You can turn your cheek But you know they’re coming back For the other one next week Don’t give up, don’t give up Everything has an end (you know it’s true) Don’t give up, no, don’t give up Everything has an end Trouble comes sideways from the past You know who you’d like to be, but the feeling never lasts Trouble comes sideways darling, from outside When you decide to choose a side They boo and throw tomatoes at you when you try to sleep at night You can slap their face Or give ‘em cheek But you know they’re coming back for you When you’re weak Don’t give up, no, don’t give up Everything has an end
10.
Everything was painted black My skulls and sofa and the welcome mat I was lying there surrounded by my candlesticks Looking at the wall at my inverted crucifix I was realising that when I’m lying down It looks the right way around And I found out one more thing I found out one more thing I found out one more thing I don’t want to know I was going to prepare the ritual for the curse But I had to go and get some shopping first Recalling all the ugly things you posted up online Saying how the earth is round and your console is better than mine Yes you were my best friend but now you’re going down I’d rather be your enemy if it means you’ll stick around I arose. The moon was full. Invoking all the spirits to come to my little ritual I wished the very worst for you, curses, hexes, afflictions and infections Wild dogs and chickenpox and an intermittent internet connection I told myself that getting close to anyone will only bring me down I'm better off alone - I wish you could see me now! It didn’t go so very well You were always better at these kinds of spells I thought I’d better call you and ask you what to do Then we started talking and I forgot I hated you You said, 'I never call you, I never come around' I heard myself reflecting and I didn’t like the sound And I found out one more thing I found out one more thing I found out one more thing That I don't want to know
11.
I failed the well being survey Oh...and so did you It's nothing to do with our employers Their lawyers are good at what they do We failed the well being survey They asked if we were ill As their policies and their procedures Had been legally fulfilled I'm sure we'll be ok Me and you There's such an easy cure Just a well being worksheet Or two
12.
The seven deadly sins still haven’t killed me I wonder if I…have been doing it right Or maybe I’m just lazy But I have done Every one Though some more than others In the name of earning my bread and butter The seven deadly sins The seven deadly sins still haven’t killed me Sorry if I am sarcy and dry but hierarchies Do not thrill me Ambition and pride Are my Jekyll and Hyde And I don’t like either one You have to have a lot of faces If you want to be someone The seven deadly sins still haven’t killed me If I fight…the system from within, it will ruin me Or upskill me The sins of the mind Have been enshrined In the pillars that hold up the ceiling So, let’s sin again, once more with feeling The seven deadly sins
13.
I want to hold you back From where you want to go You say you’re sorry I will never know Your inner peace, your ecstasies All the secrets you believe Are shining bridges That reach beyond the eye Between the land and sky You squeeze my arm and say The world is full of lies I would be a fool to say it’s otherwise You sit with me, you pity me Wishing I could see what you see All the shining bridges That reach beyond the eye Between the land and sky You balance on the edge The valley’s far below Trees await with open arms as you prepare to go I know the need for a simple creed I see you stretching out your hand to me From the shining bridges That reach beyond the eye Between the land and sky
14.
I travelled back in time To when I was a child Just to go and give myself some good advice But there was a queue Two dozen versions of me who’d Travelled back in time with the same idea In the queue ahead of me Was me age twenty three He wasn’t very pleased to learn I don’t own a mansion by the sea I said, ‘If you get off the dole Get a job, forget your soul I’d be living in the lap of luxury You’ve taken wrong turns Like birds take earth worms A voice came from the air An older me was up there In a levitating wheelchair …with laser guns He’d travelled back in time To say time travel is a waste of time And is really, none of my affair I said, ‘Don’t tell me what to do You clearly haven’t thought through your idea If what you say is true then what are you doing here?’ He said, ‘that’s a point well made’ Then of course he kicked me in the face I should have seen that coming We fell into a brawl HIm and me and then us all Outside the gates of my old school But I won the fight Yeah I won the fight So you see? It wasn’t a waste of time after all You've taken wrong turns Like birds take earthworms
15.
Come back 02:55
Just stay in, or go out Have a meal or go without Take a stand, bail out I hope it don’t come back on me Cut my hair, let it grow Shut the door or say hello Should I choose? I don’t know! I hope it don’t come back on me I fall apart when you go And all the things you said were so Go, go, go like magpies out the window Stick it out, ditch the work Keep it in, go berserk Watch Das Boot or Thunderbirds I hope it don’t come back on me I’m a boy – I’m a man I’m Spartacus and Mary Anne I’m not always who I am Why do I keep on hacking me I fall apart when you leave And all the things that you believe Go, go, go like magpies out the window I don’t identify as a Gemini Then again, I might Life would be much easier… or harder, If I could decide Live a life, live a death Make a claim or take what’s left Bedevil the ref, or be the ref I fall apart when I’m free And all the things that I can see Go, go, go like my magpies? Pigeons? Flies? Out the window
16.

credits

released November 5, 2022

All songs written and performed by Richard Masters
Except, I want to be your darkness - lyrics by Jordan Higgins and Richard masters. Sunglasses design: Peter Rophone

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Richard Masters Sheffield, UK

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